My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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