well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
