sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
