Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
