when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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