Someone shit on the floor
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let's get the cat blown out
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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