Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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