nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
