What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
