and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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