I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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