90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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