How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
