i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
