I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
