I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
