Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
