you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
