I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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