The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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