then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she was so not down for the gang bang
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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