new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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