well you can't waste a boner
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
