Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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