it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
