i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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