Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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