WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
