I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
