you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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