whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
