i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
