Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
