the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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