I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need water and some morals
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
