we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
