apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hippo gnu deer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
