i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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