He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
