Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
