and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
