Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
