i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
