shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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