I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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