I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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