I think my vagina is haunted
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
