Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
