I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
