all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
