Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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