69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
sex in a hospital.. check
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
