I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We are all done wearing pants today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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