i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
