dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
