how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
