im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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