We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize