I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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