What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
