you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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