tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
