It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
