I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
