meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
