I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
