It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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