I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
