I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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