im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
