my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
