I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
