The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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