so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We got so high we made milksteak
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
