Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
