you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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