they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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