so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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