I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
