he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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