just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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